New Year, New adventure – new Me!
When I heard in January that my Adventure Queen grant application had been successful, I felt shocked, excited – and fearful.
Shocked that my adventure had been chosen. (Does anyone really think it will be them?) Excited at the “Wow – New Year, New Start, New Adventure, New Me!” opportunity. And fearful – OMG. I was actually going to have to do this now.
Refinding myself…or why this out of shape and grumpy 48 year old wanted an adventure…
When I was young, I was adventurous, enthusiastic, and couldn’t wait to get out in the world and fly – both literally and metaphorically. From working as a Lifeguard in the US, to teaching in Japan at 21, I wanted to experience things outside of the everyday and ordinary. I backpacked, hiked and rafted in breathtaking Nepal, bungee jumped and sky dived in New Zealand, and when I got married the adventure continued, as we moved to Texas where we canoed and wild camped on the Mexican border, and experienced the wonders of Yosemite, San Francisco and Colorado. Life was exciting! I was exciting.
At 48, I felt fat, old, time poor, and resentful that there never felt time for me. It seemed that both my inner and outer life had shrunk. Frazzled by the frantic not-very-merry go round, but can’t get off, of my everyday life. My two boys – then 13 and 11 –saw me not as someone who once was an adventurer, but as a naggy mother and grouch; the provider of clean clothes and cooked meals and the ‘we’ve got friends coming over’ reluctant yet manic house cleaner. I was out of shape. Wanting a new challenge, but unsure what to do next, and how to get there.
The thought of an adventure, of challenging myself again and rediscovering – and hopefully reviving – the exploring, fun, go-for-it, previous me, was an exciting one.
Spring. Planning and training.
The plan was to walk the Isle of Anglesey Coastal path solo, carrying everything I needed to camp – tent, cooking stove, sleeping bag- on my back. The 130 miles ish route passes through coastal heath, dunes, salt- marsh, cliffs, farmland and woodlands, and I loved the idea of completing a full, circular walk. So very different from my current, day to day, experience – especially in terms of completion, when the things I’d like to do often end up being the very things that don’t get done, ever.
I was also aiming to wild swim. Sick of standing on the side, holding the bags, I wanted to dive in, and experience the buzz that all the wild swimmers bang on about.
So – the planning began. The first stage was easy. Buy a book – ‘Walking the Isle of Anglesey Coastal Path’, by Carl Rogers. Read the book. Get excited.
Using the Komoot app (thanks lovely sponsors) I plotted a 10 day hike, to marry with campsite locations. I read up about tents, got advice from the AQ community, and borrowed kit from Outdoorsy friends. I met up with my lovely mentor, Emily, who had walked the Tour du Mont Blanc. Emily was obviously a much more experienced hiker. I began training. Walking with a backpack. Even relatively short walks of 6 or 7 miles with a- not- at-all-full backpack felt hard. I felt the fear – was I going to be able to do this?
The first days
At the end of May I set off, feeling like I had all the gear and…no idea.
The first days were HARD. I had wanted a challenge. I definitely got one. Day 1 – although stunningly beautiful – was hot, hot, hot. From the very first detour as I left Moelfre – the main road and housing estate hardly a promising start – I felt anxious and worried about just how far I had to go. The miles did not seem to pass by quickly.
I took my first dip – feeling hot and sweaty and quite overwhelmed by it all. The beach was full of families and holiday makers, and getting changed, and then trying to get dry again, combined with worrying about my kit when I was in the sea, meant that this was not the cooling or revitalising experience I had envisaged. Thankfully, the Ship Inn at Red Wharf bay and a cool drink, ice cream and good toilets really did help! Hiking on a very flat stone sea wall high above a salt marsh meadow was incredible, and briefly, my mind calmed, and I enjoyed the fabulous sea views, and the rhythm of … just walking.
Steep cliff climbs later – and the fear that I was being followed by a guy carrying just a plastic bag in a remote section – undid this somewhat. And I think that was one of the first lessons of the path. And possibly about life. There are highlights, and there are moments you’d rather not have experienced. Not knowing what lies ahead, but hoping you’ll be able to handle it – and keeping on, keeping on.
Walking – both a luxury and also a pain
Being able to walk everyday was definitely a luxury. Even when it rained – and it did! – knowing that I was going to spend a day in the fresh air, rather than sitting at a computer, was a treat. Walking over some of the surfaces – shingle, clambering over boulders, getting bogged down in muddy gloopy sections or just getting sand in my boots – was not. I found my hiking poles invaluable for helping me to keep my balance, and they also powered me on. Feeling vulnerable – worrying that the sea might come in before I had completed tidal sections, or feeling distinctly frustrated and cross at the pebbles that moved underfoot and slowed my progress, really made me appreciate the sections where walking was easy. A flat, easy grassy path – perfection! Boardwalks above marsh – wonderful! I became much more aware of small pleasures, that I definitely would have taken for granted before.
Not all adventures go to plan
My adventure most certainly did not go to plan, and although I had imagined leisurely coffees along the route, striding out through beautiful scenery, long sunny evenings to be enjoyed in the great outdoors, in reality, I found the hiking to be much more physically challenging than I had anticipated.
Walking to a schedule, with daily mileage that needed to be achieved in order to get me to the end point each day, took longer than I had thought. Lots of checks to confirm I was heading in the right direction on the unfamiliar route and carrying a heavy pack both slowed me down. From Day 1 my blisters only got worse, and more painful. Day 4 – when I hiked from Newborough to Rhosneigr – saw my two absolute lows. I cried along the stunning section to Malltreath first thing, and again in the evening when I pitched my tent near a very unlovely concrete wall, on a less than pleasant campsite. In the end, my painful blistered – and it turns out infected – feet meant that I had to take the tough decision to pause at the end of Day 5, and split the adventure into two parts.
Looking back, this was a great decision – healthier recovered feet aside, Part B was so much more pleasant in lots of ways – pain free, less anxiety and no hurrying to get to the end of each day to rest. Stopping half way was absolutely not in the plan though – I had hoped to do it all ‘in one go’ – and at the time, I felt I had failed. I think that’s another life lesson – not everything goes to plan, and although that can feel awful at the time – in hindsight, it really wasn’t that bad. I certainly learned things from Part A, that helped part B – packing a lot lighter for one! And I also took away that – if I could walk that far, over half way, with poorly feet – doing it with healthy feet would be a lot easier.
Many may say ‘mind over matter’ – but I’d counter that enjoying the experiences you plan, rather than enduring them, is key. Being clear about the ‘why’ of your adventure is so important. Yes, I wanted to complete the path – but I was also hoping to think, and reflect, and pause, and enjoy the views and experience. The journey really was as important as the completion, and as I look back now, Part B feels much less ‘rushed’ and overall was more enjoyable than Part A, even though the scenery in Part A was really spectacular.
The magic
I think everyone hopes for moments of magic – but what I found is that you can’t always anticipate just what will bring you happiness or joy.
Highlights for me included walking under both of the Menai bridges -huge structural engineering wonders. Sitting on a bench enjoying a bar of chocolate, the feel of the sun upon my skin, and the view of sand dunes and marram grass. Watching seals in the sea. The cliffs heading to Trearrdur Bay – a feast for the eyes, with sea arches and coves and crashing waves. The astonishing sound and power of the Top Gun style planes taking off at RAF Valley. The gorgeous ruins at Porth Llanlleiana, and the old Brickworks at Porth Wen, both in the most magnificent coves.
I think on the whole, what I need to remember from this trip is that often – it was the simple things that could bring such joy. A chocolate bar. A chat or conversation with an occasional hiker or local. The ease and noise of walking on boardwalks – so satisfying! Being snug in my sleeping bag in my tent, and then waking up to a fresh morning. The feel of rain on my skin – and the aliveness this raises! Much of the hike was about putting one foot in front of the other – but the moments of joy and pleasure that could be found in each day – and really appreciating them – are what stands out still.
Definitely a lesson for life to focus on the good, and to cherish these moments of pure happiness during both the actual moment – but also to remember and to re-enjoy in times to come.
Lessons learnt along the way
From the very practical – surgical spirit on your skin will toughen it up (invaluable to try and avoid blisters in the future) to becoming more aware of my strengths and limitations – I learnt a lot.
From a swimming and safety perspective, I hoped I could arrange to meet up with other wild swimmers for swims at different beaches around the route. This didn’t really work out –the logistics were tricky – re: which beaches I would reach, and when, and whether the weather, jelly fish and tidal conditions would be on side – and only a few Adventure Queens were able and ready to join me, with my blisters scuppering even those plans. I would not say I am a transformed and enthusiastic wild swimmer. Taking a dip felt like another thing to do, rather than a ‘want to do’ during this time, and I think that separating the swimming from the hiking – and ideally on a hot sunny day with a small day bag- would be a more ideal experience for me, removing the worry about my kit or hiking with sandy feet.
In my sleeping bag and tent, when the zips were done up, I felt really safe, snug and cosy. Sitting outside my tent, watching other groups laugh and enjoy their time together only highlighted what I didn’t have at that time though. I didn’t feel lonely as such – just a bit of an oddity, which was very different to how (mostly) at ease I felt walking solo.
Although I do feel very grateful that Adventure Queen Sarah joined me for one day of hiking, from Trearrdur to Holyhead, instead of a swim. It made what would have been a very challenging solo day feel much more do-able. The path up Holyhead Mountain was very indistinct, and the lashing rain meant that there were few hikers doing this part. Sarah being there made the day not just more fun, but the worries and concerns I had about safety or finding my way in the fog were easily put aside. I find this really interesting given that neither of us had ever tackled this route before. It’s intriguing how the presence of someone else made such a difference to the confidence I felt. Anna McNuff, Adventure Queen founder, discussed this in her books, and this really resonated with my personal experience.
I also pondered more about adventure, and what it means to different people. For those of you about to apply to the Grant – I’d really encourage you to think about the kind of adventure you want, and what you hope to get out of it. Are you aiming to experience new environments in a far-flung place – or planning a more local adventure? Will you be putting yourself through a tough physical challenge (mine challenged my – admittedly low! – abilities) – or are you seeking a more leisurely, less rushed human powered adventure? A solitary adventure, or one with companions? Something you have done before, or something completely new to experience?
Finding myself…
So did I find myself? Well, I am laughing at that – I think I expected maybe too much from the trip! I had hoped my adventure would give me clarity – that I would have a ‘thunderbolt’ moment, and the answers as to what I needed to do in my future to experience more joy, fun and excitement would be clear.
During the adventure, I actually found my head very busy a lot of time with very mundane matters – how were my feet? Which way next? Am I lost? Crikey, is that a big climb ahead? Goodness, this kissing gate is a squeeze with my backpack on. I may have had the time to think and reflect, but I certainly didn’t finish the path with a clear vision of what comes next.
What I do have is maybe an extra inner confidence. As Brene Brown says – I can do hard things. I am incredibly grateful to the Adventure Queens and the sponsors as without their support, I would never have done this! I walked a really long way. I finished the circuit! I camped alone, and I will no longer stand and just watch my kids have fun in the sea, but will be right there joining them! I feel very proud to have completed this adventure.
I’ve realised that much about my life is great – but that I need to appreciate and be grateful for the modest, joyful things in everyday life more. As Sophie Cliff says “The big exciting milestone days make up such a small percentage of our lives.” It’s so important to focus on enjoying more frequently the day-to-day mini joys of life.
Having said that – there are things I have identified that I want to change. My life didn’t always feel great. What I do know now is that – I want to simplify in many ways.
Having less things made the second part of my hike much easier – minimalists are definitely onto something! Walking and getting out in the fresh air each day really did lift my mood – I need to make time for this every day. I feel better when I don’t put my needs and wants last. I missed my family, and really appreciated our last holiday together – we did loads of cycling together, and I look forward to camping, and spending camping evenings, with them. I didn’t lose any weight hiking – but enjoyed the chocolate and cake I ate along the way, so that seems a reasonable trade off. And I felt good that I both walked so far, and was strong enough to carry my pack – and I really do want to increase this fitness in the future.
I have realised – the younger adventurous me isn’t gone entirely. She maybe just lost her way and her focus over the years. So, whilst not all plans go to plan, I plan to stop letting life happen to me or even pass me by, but intend to take more control.
Planning the next few decades of my life feels daunting – so I plan to focus on how I want to feel over the next few years (joyful, energised, to experience new things), and go from there. This hike and adventure may be over – but in completing the adventure I feel a renewed determination in myself. There is much joy to be found. Onwards!
This blog post was written by Kat Halstead. Kat lives, works and tries to control the household chaos in beautiful Shropshire. An enthusiast for a good coffee and cafe, she enjoys walking in the stunning hidden valleys and amongst the wild heather moorland of the Long Mynd. Whilst not a fan of the ‘up’ part of walking, she does appreciate the incredible views, and jelly baby rewards, once she has puffed her way to the top.
More pics of her Coastal Path adventure can be found on her Instagram at @kath_shropslass
