My hands were trembling, and my heart was beating so fast it felt like my whole body was vibrating. I hesitated, could I really do this? Then I looked at Emily’s encouraging face and felt the exhilarating breeze on my skin. I sensed nature wrapping me up in her warm embrace and knew it was time to open the cage of the limiting beliefs in my mind. Now was the moment to let go and to feel free.
I’m Natasha and this is my story
I was seven years old when my mum noticed my first bald patch. Soon after, I was diagnosed with the auto immune disorder Alopecia, where my immune system was attacking my hair follicles. I have had alopecia for four decades and it’s something I’ve always struggled with. I’ve always feared the judgement of others, so I kept it inside and built a cage of thoughts around it. Thoughts like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I am different’. Recently, I have realised that when you hold onto something for a long time it starts to feel heavy.
Beginning a fitness journey
Beneath the weight of these heavy emotions, I began to experience feelings of anxiety and disconnection from myself. In an attempt to feel better, I started doing Pilates and found that my mood lifted. Feeling stronger in my body made me feel stronger in my mind and I enjoyed how exercise made me feel more balanced. A Yorkshire-based fitness company was asking for ambassadors, and they invited me to a group meetup with the other representatives.
Discovering outdoor calm on my first hike
The first group meet up was a Mam Tor sunrise hike, my first ever hike. I had to get up at three in the morning and drive 45 minutes in the dark to the meeting point. I got up before my alarm and set off. I was so nervous as I hadn’t done anything like this before and venturing out in the middle of the night felt surreal, exciting and daunting!
The healing power of sunrise
Emily from Peak Outdoor Coaching led the hike and after hiking to the top of the hill in the dark we found a beautiful ledge and waited for the sun to rise. Something that happens every single day is not truly appreciated until you see it in front of your eyes. It was stunning and filled me with peace and joy. The solidarity we had built as a group of women in such a short amount of time was incredible.
Falling in love with hiking and discovering mindful nature connection
I remember thinking at that exact moment as the sky turned all the beautiful shades of orange that I absolutely love hiking. I signed up to go on more hikes with Emily and each one was different but induced all the same feelings. Being outdoors anchors me to the present moment as I am so enraptured by the beauty and calm around me. I love the feeling of waking up ready to go on a hike knowing that I will feel accomplished at the end of my day. It makes me feel part of something bigger than me, especially when you reach that summit and see all the amazing views. It makes me believe I’m capable of anything.
The unexpected benfits of outdoor coaching and group walks
Nature has this way of making you feel at peace, so it makes connecting with others so much easier. Hiking has truly been a catalyst for opening up. I’ve always avoided being with a group of women as conversations often turn to the subject of hair. Yet here I was with a group of women time and time again going on these hikes. I slowly began to open up and told Emily all about having Alopecia. We talked about how I wanted to own my truth and one day take off my wig.
The hike that changed everything
I’ve only ever taken my wig off in front of my very close friends and family. The thought of anyone seeing me bald has always been my worst nightmare. On a beautiful Autumnal morning on a hike to Padley Gorge this was about to change. September is Alopecia awareness month, and I wanted to do something to celebrate it. I gathered all the courage I could muster and said to Emily “can you please film this?” She looked at me excitedly and said, “are you going to do what I think you’re going to do?” I climbed onto a rock at the very apt name of Hope Valley, took off my wig and held it high in the air. The fear quickly turned into empowerment, and I felt incredible! Emily was like my own personal cheerleader giving me so much encouragement, support and love. I climbed down from the rock and rejoined the group; I explained all about alopecia and the reason I had chosen to remove my wig was to raise awareness. They listened attentively and said they were in awe of my courage.
Courage leads to overcoming fears and personal growth
Facing my fears that day taught me something that I could never have found in a self-help book. It showed me that when we find the courage to confront what scares us, we create space for transformation. Alopecia can create feelings of vulnerability but also gives you an inner strength you never realised you had. I learnt right there on that rock, when you step outside your comfort zone and do the thing that scares you, you feel amazing! Even if your hands are shaking, the freedom is exhilarating! Being brave is like hiking. You take one step, then another and before you know it, you’re out there exploring places you never thought you’d reach.
About our author
I’m Nat, mum of three who loves to get out in the great outdoors and discover new adventures. I’m working on raising awareness for Alopecia and smashing the beauty myths of what it means to be a woman.